The holiday season: a time of fun, relaxation and family. Or is it how Collins Dictionary describes stress - as mental, emotional or physical exhaustion.


Mention this season and there will be varying responses. Some love it, some hate it. It's a time when we may experience exhaustion, expectations, isolation, disappointment, aloneness, inferiority, being overwhelmed and at times misunderstood.

Most of us are just plain worn out, yet we long to create and achieve the kind of holiday time sold to us by the media. Images of perfection, happy families, designer settings and gourmet food goad us on - if only we had the luxury of a limitless budget, an events organiser and a chef.

Many of us arrive at year end worrying if there is enough food and champers, about the credit card bills coming in January, and experiencing shame and disappointment that perhaps the Christmas we wanted for our children we couldn't give.

Many people find this time of year stressful. More than half of us are likely to experience some form of stress-related depression now and this often forces us to look at ourselves and our partners. Just when we want everything to be perfect and for our respective families to see how well we are coping, stress, fatigue, relationships, hidden fears and worries often surface.

Here are 10 relationship tips to make the holiday season as happy as you want.

1. Remember what's important. A young boy once said: "Love is what's in the room at Christmas, when you stop opening presents, and listen." Let go of perfection; go back to basics.

2. Value your relationship as the central pivot for your family. Put it first, over the tasks, the trappings, even the traditions of the New Year. None of it has value unless you and your partner can provide the atmosphere you want. Your children will take the cue from the two of you.

3. Talk to each other. Say to your partner, "I'd like to talk about what we would like this year. Is this a good time?" If it's not, try to find a mutually okay time within the next 24 hours. Set a time limit so you both know the time frames. Half an hour is a good start. Sit down and talk about your hopes, dreams, fears and expectations. Tell them what you remember as a child about holidays and why you want it to be a particular way. For many of us, our parents' daily patterns are magnified at get-togethers, for example, a mother's desire for perfectionism and need for approval and a father's silence and veiled criticism of her. Then swap and listen to your partner's experience.

4. Be there for each other. In most relationships one of you will want to talk and one of you will avoid talking. Take a deep breath. It is your relationship with each other which will have more impact than any present/meal/and so on. Say when you feel overwhelmed. Just knowing that your partner is willing to really listen and make sense of what is important to you can help to ease the tension and increase a sense of connection. Don't expect your partner to be able to mind read or know what you need - tell them.

5. Identify together the specific causes of your holiday stress. What causes the most stress and anxiety for you? Money worries? Tension with certain family members? Work out how to manage those issues together.

6. Share at a family meeting. Once you and your partner know how you would like this time to be, consider having a larger family meeting with your children so that your whole family can plan the New Year with some give and take that can make everyone happy.

7. Be on a team. Know that it's quite normal when you get together with your siblings and parents for some of the old family patterns to re-emerge. Share with your partner what you notice you do when you are around your family. They may be able to help you be different so you don't have to feel smaller or less of who you are. If you see your partner collapsing into old behaviour around their parents, feel compassion and empathy for how it might have been for them growing up in that environment. Reach out to them and remind them you are a team.

8. What do you need for yourself? Try to do one thing each day that is looking after yourself. Try to do one fun thing each day that connects you with your partner. It can be as simple as sharing the morning paper cartoon.

9. Take time out. Have an agreement between the two of you that it's okay to ask them to hold the fort while you have five minutes' time out. Find a quiet place, even if it's the bathroom. Stress, anxiety and depression are common during the festive season. Reassure yourself that these feelings are normal. Make a pact with your loved one to give you a sign that says, "I'm here. You're okay."

10. Look for longer-term solutions. Remember that people under stress tend to "self-medicate" with alcohol, cigarettes, other drugs, or even food or exercise. These ways of shutting out what is going on in your relationships won't solve the problem.

Aim for the good times and have a Happy New Year.

Source: NZHerald

Mark Walton-Cook offers a series of simple and sometimes surprising hints to help keep you trim throughout the party season.


* Raise a glass: British scientists recently reported that bubbly can reduce the risk of heart diseases. Despite its light colour, champagne includes red grapes rich in polyphenols, plant chemicals that dilate blood vessels and improve circulation.


* Tuck into Rudolph: Like venison, reindeer steaks are lower in calories, cholesterol and fat than most cuts of beef, pork or lamb. They eat loads of reindeer meat in Finland, home of Father Christmas.

* Update your iPod with festive songs: 'Tis the season to swap Eye of the Tiger for Ding Dong Merrily on High - both tracks have a similar number of beats per minute (bpm) to spur you on while you train. Experts say the ideal workout music tempo is about five beats per minute above a working heart rate, so if you jog at 120bpm you should opt for music of about 125bpm - such as Mariah Carey's
All I Want for Christmas is You.


* Add protein to your drinks: The bloody mary is regarded as a healthy king among cocktails: it's packed with vitamin C. The lycopene in the tomato juice strengthens your heart, and the fructose helps metabolise alcohol. But upgrade to a lobster bloody mary - a Southern US favourite with a lobster skewer in it - and you'll add omega-3 fatty acids, and you'll get some muscle, too. "Lobster contains more lean protein per ounce than any other meat," says nutritionist Nell Nelson.


* Eat more, buy less: Hunger makes you spend more, according to a University of Cambridge report. So have a square meal before you shop.

* Make a date with dates: A handful of dates can reduce fats in your blood by a sixth, according to the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry. Although the dried variety is high in sucrose, it is low-GI so won't spike your blood-sugar levels.

* Get a good night's sleep: Plan one or two evenings each week during the party season for an early night - it could help you lose weight, according to a study of nurses in the US. Those who regularly had a good night's sleep were slimmer and had a lower body mass index (BMI) than short sleepers.

* Ask Father Christmas for socks: They're hardly the most stylish addition to your running kit, but compression socks support your calf muscles and could help you to a personal best. A study in the Journal of Strength And Conditioning Research suggested that they improve circulation and blood flow, enabling you to run longer.

* Train with your reflection: Running in front of a mirror at the gym helps make you more co-ordinated and, according to one UK university study, can make your work rate less energetically demanding.

* Go for a dawn run: Watch your weight come down as the sun comes up. Sunshine is a great source of vitamin D, which researchers believe can help keep you trim. A Minnesota study has linked low levels of vitamin D to sluggish weight loss in slimmers.

* Pull a cracker: Researchers at Vanderbilt University in Tennessee found that giggling for a few minutes a day uses enough calories to burn about 2.2kg of fat a year.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the holiday season without thought to our daily needs. This easily and quickly leads to stress that can completely ruin the holiday spirit. Thankfully there are ways to avoid the holiday stress meltdown that accompanies too much money spent, not enough time to shop and rude customers flooding the malls. If you are looking to get through this Christmas without the huge headache of what to buy, where to go and when to be there, use the following simple tips for staying calm and collected.

This New Year’s, you are going to be refreshed, instead of simply ready for it to all be over.

Make a List, and Yes -- Check it Twice

What’s the first thing you instinctively do when you need to get organized? That’s right - make a list! Taking the time to sit and make a thorough list will help you get through the holiday. Use a spiral notebook and make note of all you will need to keep track of, and cross it off as it gets done. Writing things down as you think of them will keep you from forgetting until the very last minute, which is typically what leads to stress.

A few ideas include:

•    The people you need to buy gifts for
•    The parties you get invited to
•    The stores you need to visit for gift buying
•    When you will get and decorate your tree

Calendar and Budget Your Time

Be sure to keep good track of your time. It’s easy to say you will do your gift shopping on a certain date without looking at the calendar. During the holiday season, days fill up with activities quickly and they can easily be forgotten. Think of the parties at work and get-together with friends and family. Don’t forget time to address and write out holiday cards, as well as some time to take the yearly family portrait. Try not to schedule yourself to thin. You may think it all sounds like fun at the time, but when you become stressed and overloaded, you will begin to regret some of the commitments you made.

Hire a “Mother’s Helper”

If you have children at home who are old enough to help around the house with chores, they would probably love to help you get ready for the holidays. Allow them to put labels on Christmas cards, punch out the sugar cookies, or put tape on the packages as you wrap them. If you don’t have anyone around who can help you, consider spending a few dollars on a mother’s helper. Junior high or high school students who are home on holiday break would likely be happy to help you run errands or help with chores around the house so you can get your holiday planning in order.