The holiday season: a time of fun, relaxation and family. Or is it how Collins Dictionary describes stress - as mental, emotional or physical exhaustion.


Mention this season and there will be varying responses. Some love it, some hate it. It's a time when we may experience exhaustion, expectations, isolation, disappointment, aloneness, inferiority, being overwhelmed and at times misunderstood.

Most of us are just plain worn out, yet we long to create and achieve the kind of holiday time sold to us by the media. Images of perfection, happy families, designer settings and gourmet food goad us on - if only we had the luxury of a limitless budget, an events organiser and a chef.

Many of us arrive at year end worrying if there is enough food and champers, about the credit card bills coming in January, and experiencing shame and disappointment that perhaps the Christmas we wanted for our children we couldn't give.

Many people find this time of year stressful. More than half of us are likely to experience some form of stress-related depression now and this often forces us to look at ourselves and our partners. Just when we want everything to be perfect and for our respective families to see how well we are coping, stress, fatigue, relationships, hidden fears and worries often surface.

Here are 10 relationship tips to make the holiday season as happy as you want.

1. Remember what's important. A young boy once said: "Love is what's in the room at Christmas, when you stop opening presents, and listen." Let go of perfection; go back to basics.

2. Value your relationship as the central pivot for your family. Put it first, over the tasks, the trappings, even the traditions of the New Year. None of it has value unless you and your partner can provide the atmosphere you want. Your children will take the cue from the two of you.

3. Talk to each other. Say to your partner, "I'd like to talk about what we would like this year. Is this a good time?" If it's not, try to find a mutually okay time within the next 24 hours. Set a time limit so you both know the time frames. Half an hour is a good start. Sit down and talk about your hopes, dreams, fears and expectations. Tell them what you remember as a child about holidays and why you want it to be a particular way. For many of us, our parents' daily patterns are magnified at get-togethers, for example, a mother's desire for perfectionism and need for approval and a father's silence and veiled criticism of her. Then swap and listen to your partner's experience.

4. Be there for each other. In most relationships one of you will want to talk and one of you will avoid talking. Take a deep breath. It is your relationship with each other which will have more impact than any present/meal/and so on. Say when you feel overwhelmed. Just knowing that your partner is willing to really listen and make sense of what is important to you can help to ease the tension and increase a sense of connection. Don't expect your partner to be able to mind read or know what you need - tell them.

5. Identify together the specific causes of your holiday stress. What causes the most stress and anxiety for you? Money worries? Tension with certain family members? Work out how to manage those issues together.

6. Share at a family meeting. Once you and your partner know how you would like this time to be, consider having a larger family meeting with your children so that your whole family can plan the New Year with some give and take that can make everyone happy.

7. Be on a team. Know that it's quite normal when you get together with your siblings and parents for some of the old family patterns to re-emerge. Share with your partner what you notice you do when you are around your family. They may be able to help you be different so you don't have to feel smaller or less of who you are. If you see your partner collapsing into old behaviour around their parents, feel compassion and empathy for how it might have been for them growing up in that environment. Reach out to them and remind them you are a team.

8. What do you need for yourself? Try to do one thing each day that is looking after yourself. Try to do one fun thing each day that connects you with your partner. It can be as simple as sharing the morning paper cartoon.

9. Take time out. Have an agreement between the two of you that it's okay to ask them to hold the fort while you have five minutes' time out. Find a quiet place, even if it's the bathroom. Stress, anxiety and depression are common during the festive season. Reassure yourself that these feelings are normal. Make a pact with your loved one to give you a sign that says, "I'm here. You're okay."

10. Look for longer-term solutions. Remember that people under stress tend to "self-medicate" with alcohol, cigarettes, other drugs, or even food or exercise. These ways of shutting out what is going on in your relationships won't solve the problem.

Aim for the good times and have a Happy New Year.

Source: NZHerald

I find a lot of guys want a magic bullet to make a woman fall in love with them. I haven't found a magic potion yet (not that I've looked) and personally think this is the wrong approach. Instead of trying to make a woman fall in love... you should be asking why a woman would fall in love with me.

Changing your point of view can make a dramatic difference. You feel a sense of a relief when you realize it's up to you whether she falls in love or not. Not only are you happier being the best you can be but you'll attract a lot more high quality women into your life.

I'm a little shocked how many guys give away their own personal power by trying to please women. Flattering her with words and gifts. But instead of creating attraction it has the opposite effect.

Bribing a woman into liking you simply doesn't work. You don't control her attraction... that's the bottom line. It's no good trying to please women all the time and getting stressed about what they think.

You should take a page out of the dating gurus' book and learn how to create attraction in women. I personally believe that you should study this stuff even if you're already in a relationship. It should be obvious that creating attraction with your partner is important.

This is the approach I took when dating but nothing has changed now I'm in a long term relationship. But it's important to state that it's not all about fancy pick up techniques. It's about becoming the man that women fall in love with.

And I think we all want to be that man. Because it's like a whole new world when you become naturally attractive to the opposite sex. Believe me as I know from my own experience.

How can you tell if a guy likes you or is interested? You noticed him when you were standing and talking with a friend. You think he noticed you, but maybe it was your imagination or just wishful thinking. He looked at you at about the same time you saw him. Your eyes met for just a few seconds, and then you looked away. When you looked back up, he was talking with some other people. Was he watching you as you mingled? Or were you making that up? How can you tell if a guy likes you? Why are guys so hard to read?

Here are five signs that he is interested in you too. If any of the following happens, he is probably trying to get close enough to ask you out:

1. He tells someone

Is he interested? He likes you if he tells a mutual friend that he wants to know more about you, or he asks other people who you are and where you're from. He is trying to act like he's "just asking" but his questions indicate more than a casual interest. And when he tells someone that he finds you attractive, he probably knows that it will get back to you. He's hoping it does.

2. The look

He gives you a look that betrays his calm exterior. Even though he is across the room, "that look" he has says it all. It is sweeping, from your head to your toes, and then his eyes linger on yours. You think you notice the beginning of a tentative smile.

3. The conversation

Does he like you? When he manages to get close enough to you, to ask you questions, he is interested. He appears to be listening and responds to what you say. He's moving in to the ultimate question, which is: "Are you seeing anyone." He would only ask this question if he wanted to date you, and he hopes the answer is "No." Never ever wear a ring in public. When a guy is across the room, he cannot tell which finger it is on and he may assume incorrectly that you are taken. If he doesn't ask you the question of whether or not you are attached, he may ask someone whom you both know.

4. He appears unexpectedly

He likes you a lot if he shows up out of nowhere. He can only do that if he has been asking people about your schedule, or he has been paying attention to where you are going and at what time. His face may turn red when he sees you. A sudden, "Oh, hi," is his way of saying, "I don't want to seem obvious, but I am interested in you." If you feel the same way, do not act shy. Stop and talk to him.

5. EVERYONE likes you

Is he interested? When you are well liked and a happy person, why wouldn't he like you? Of course he does. If you don't have a great life, however, now is your time to start working on one. Take a look at your career possibilities, body image, future, plans, and resources. You may be naturally talented at something, but it won't matter unless you work on your strengths. Misused or unused talents fade away. School and training do not.

These are the five signs that he is interested and he is on the verge of asking you out. Make it easy for him and be friendly. This is where relationships begin.

Do you want to know more secrets about how to attract men? Do you know how to dress, what to say, what to do, and the body language to use when you go out? Do you know the 5 steps to take to meet any guy anywhere? Read on to discover all the secrets to having all the dates you want in How To Attract Men: Secrets Every Woman Should Know